The Gillespie Family

Just a family blog

The Guilt I Feel Sometimes August 24, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Stephanie Gillespie @ 1:20 am

I got my maternity photos from Miki today, and I was so excited. I only posted two, but there are so many other great ones. The excitement I feel is accompanied by guilt. I feel guilty because I never made it this far in my last pregnancy, so I never had a chance to do these things for Charlie Rogan. At 32 weeks, she was in a NICU isolette, and the remainder of my pregnancy belly was fading. I never got big enough with her to take pictures, or have a belly cast made.

Everytime I post something on this blog or facebook about how far we have made it, I am also sad that I couldn’t have made it this far with Charlie Rogan. I know I did all I could, but that doesn’t keep the guilt away. My hope is that Charlie Rogan will one day look at these maternity pictures and be amazed. I hope that she will realize that I couldn’t do these things for her, but I got to see and hold her before most babies are even born. She was in my world at 29 weeks, and I could hold her hand and read to her, and those feelings will be with me for the rest of my life. Having a head start on our life together makes me one of the luckiest people to walk this earth, and I hope she can understand that one day.


One Response to “The Guilt I Feel Sometimes”

  1. Kathryn Says:

    And be sure to tell her that it is BECAUSE of her that you have been able to make it this far with Yates. If you hadn’t had the problems the first time around, you wouldn’t be doing what you’re doing now to keep your pregnancy going. What a great gift that she’s been able to give to her baby brother. She’ll understand that someday! 🙂

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