I got my maternity photos from Miki today, and I was so excited. I only posted two, but there are so many other great ones. The excitement I feel is accompanied by guilt. I feel guilty because I never made it this far in my last pregnancy, so I never had a chance to do these things for Charlie Rogan. At 32 weeks, she was in a NICU isolette, and the remainder of my pregnancy belly was fading. I never got big enough with her to take pictures, or have a belly cast made.
Everytime I post something on this blog or facebook about how far we have made it, I am also sad that I couldn’t have made it this far with Charlie Rogan. I know I did all I could, but that doesn’t keep the guilt away. My hope is that Charlie Rogan will one day look at these maternity pictures and be amazed. I hope that she will realize that I couldn’t do these things for her, but I got to see and hold her before most babies are even born. She was in my world at 29 weeks, and I could hold her hand and read to her, and those feelings will be with me for the rest of my life. Having a head start on our life together makes me one of the luckiest people to walk this earth, and I hope she can understand that one day.